Truth the Face

While I'm certainly not just another pretty face, chances are, you aren't either. As a race - human that is - we spend too much money on image. Last year alone, 85% of the GDP (Gross Demand for Prettiness) was spent on makeup and mirrors. 90% of the money received by the image-industry was spent on smoke to make the mirrors. Let's face it, as a society, we do not suffer from ugliness. You do, but not us as a society. What we suffer from is lack of self-esteem.

Esteem for self. The dictionary I make up as I go along defines esteem as: 1) holding in high regard; pride 2) a byproduct of the pre-industrial age internet which was powered by water vapor. Where esteem comes from is a entirely different matter.

Do you judge your appearance based on twigs with blonde hair which inundate us from every media outlet? We should not be comparing ourselves to the five most perfect-looking people in the world! They're anomalies of nature. If nature had truly destined us to be beautiful we all would be gorgeous.

We've all glanced scornfully at the town of Cheesecake located in the country of Thigh. The barren, hilly land that laughs at us from the mirror while checking the bath's temperature. Everybody does this. Even the ones who "have it all together". Yes, we're all lacking in esteem in at least one area. If your mug has not graced the cover of any publication besides "FBI's Most Wanted List" then be thankful! You're one of the lucky ones.

To solve the predicament of low esteem, the solution is simple. First step: Get over ourselves! Get over everybody! Just get over! Compare your today-you to your yesterday-you. But we cannot compare ourselves to others! The good book tells us that God made us in his image. Therefore, when you pick on your shortcomings you're picking on God and that's a fight I don't want to get in the middle of.

You: "Man, look at those cheekbones! I didn't even think I had bones down there under that padding."

God: "You talkin' to me?"

You: "No, no, Exalted One. I'm just not happy with my body"

God: "Well, your body is the way I made it. You got a problem with that?"

You: "Well, of course not! It's beautiful. It's just that - could you make my butt smaller?"

God: "What? The one I gave you isn't good enough?"

You: "It's perfect, really, nevermind"

God: "What? Am I some sort of on-call surgeon here to make you happy? I'm here to amuse you? Not 'make me more courageous' Not, 'show me your glory', No. It's my butt isn't cute enough.

You: "It's not like that."

God: "Well, to be honest, Moses had the same request."

You: "Really?!?!"

God: "NO! Not really. Insecure and gullible - what has happened here? Oy vey!"

You: "Doesn't that saying mean 'Oh my G...

God: "I know what it means. I fashioned you out of dirt. Work my fingers to the bone. Delivered your ancestors from doom, not just once mind you. Sent my Son to guide you - incidentally, you mocked him too. Was his butt too big? I loved you and called to you. And this is the thanks I get: Make me beautiful!?"

You: "I'm sorry."

God: "You're lucky I don't smite anymore!"

Second step to building self-esteem: stand in front of the mirror naked. Okay, are you there? I meant after you left the cafe and went home. Now, repeat these words: "Thank God you made me in your image and I'm not a twiggy freak of nature." There, now doesn't that feel better?

Until we meet again. In the meantime, I'll be renting a monster truck. I need help getting over myself.