Snow Days
The winter season is upon us. Thoughts of winter conjure up many images. For many, it means the dreaded four-letter word: poop. That’s what many of us say when we look out our window ro see blinding white and this time it isn’t your sun-deficient neighbor without his shirt on.
Snow is magical, wonderful, and, for many, a major pain-in-the-rear-end. Unlike most people, I tend to enjoy snow but I hate cold. For me, I dislike winters where it’s just cold and then warms to a balmy 35 degrees when it precipitates. To me, that’s just cold for the sake of being cold. There’s no purpose behind it. No meaning. Everything looks as brown as the surprise your cat left on the kitchen floor (doesn’t matter which end it came from)
No, I say! Old-Man Winter needs to make up his mind once and for all. By the way, do you think Adam and Eve regarded him as Young Guy Winter or even Baby Winter? I digress. Like I was saying, he needs to make up his mind. Either make it warm enough to always rain so I can play golf and not get in my car every morning begging for heat while shaking like California. OR he needs to make it cold and lay a fresh blanket of snow every weekend, preferably. Let’s look at the options, shall we?
In a cold, snowy winter, everybody wins! Yes, we have to shovel, snow-blow or get chains and winches to get in and out of our snow mound, but it’s not that bad.
1) We get exercise most of us desperately need.
B) Those of us with children get to see it as special (who likes mudball fights?)
3) Everything looks pure and bright; not bleak and puke-like.
D) Most of us get days off during states-of-emergency.
v) Union members with plows on their trucks get paid for sleeping – whoops, did I write that?
The other scenario is a mild, rainy winter. I know there are fewer objections to this. Here are the benefits.
A) We get to add more layers of fat to our summer stores by not exercising to remove snow.
2) Cars are less likely to do pirouettes on the highway.
X1) People can walk down the street and not be mistaken for wild animals.
Unfortunately, we New Englanders usually get a mixed bag. Snow, freezing rain, rain, warmth, frigid, all in the same storm! I’d rather shovel 14" of pure snow than 6" of slush with an ice-pack base. Our weather ironically follows similar patterns to the Red Sox. Starts out nice at the beginning of the season, then gets crappy. Starts out crappy, then great the rest of the season. Nice start and end, but a crappy middle. Because of this, I believe that weather forecasters in New England more than earn their keep. That dreaded snow-rain line must create massive headaches (or brainfreeze as the case may be) for our dutiful weathermen (and ladies). A snow accumulation forecasts can fluctuate by 10" within an hour. Don’t like the forecast? Change the channel! You’re bound to find one you like.
In any case, as we celebrate the holidays (it’s okay to buy gifts and decorate now – I’m giving the official blessing) remember to dress in layers especially if you’re visiting the northeast. Specifically, start with a bathing suit, followed by long johns, jeans, t-shirt, sweater, sweatshirt, and finally a hat and snow-suit. Then you’re ready for anything!
Snow is magical, wonderful, and, for many, a major pain-in-the-rear-end. Unlike most people, I tend to enjoy snow but I hate cold. For me, I dislike winters where it’s just cold and then warms to a balmy 35 degrees when it precipitates. To me, that’s just cold for the sake of being cold. There’s no purpose behind it. No meaning. Everything looks as brown as the surprise your cat left on the kitchen floor (doesn’t matter which end it came from)
No, I say! Old-Man Winter needs to make up his mind once and for all. By the way, do you think Adam and Eve regarded him as Young Guy Winter or even Baby Winter? I digress. Like I was saying, he needs to make up his mind. Either make it warm enough to always rain so I can play golf and not get in my car every morning begging for heat while shaking like California. OR he needs to make it cold and lay a fresh blanket of snow every weekend, preferably. Let’s look at the options, shall we?
In a cold, snowy winter, everybody wins! Yes, we have to shovel, snow-blow or get chains and winches to get in and out of our snow mound, but it’s not that bad.
1) We get exercise most of us desperately need.
B) Those of us with children get to see it as special (who likes mudball fights?)
3) Everything looks pure and bright; not bleak and puke-like.
D) Most of us get days off during states-of-emergency.
v) Union members with plows on their trucks get paid for sleeping – whoops, did I write that?
The other scenario is a mild, rainy winter. I know there are fewer objections to this. Here are the benefits.
A) We get to add more layers of fat to our summer stores by not exercising to remove snow.
2) Cars are less likely to do pirouettes on the highway.
X1) People can walk down the street and not be mistaken for wild animals.
Unfortunately, we New Englanders usually get a mixed bag. Snow, freezing rain, rain, warmth, frigid, all in the same storm! I’d rather shovel 14" of pure snow than 6" of slush with an ice-pack base. Our weather ironically follows similar patterns to the Red Sox. Starts out nice at the beginning of the season, then gets crappy. Starts out crappy, then great the rest of the season. Nice start and end, but a crappy middle. Because of this, I believe that weather forecasters in New England more than earn their keep. That dreaded snow-rain line must create massive headaches (or brainfreeze as the case may be) for our dutiful weathermen (and ladies). A snow accumulation forecasts can fluctuate by 10" within an hour. Don’t like the forecast? Change the channel! You’re bound to find one you like.
In any case, as we celebrate the holidays (it’s okay to buy gifts and decorate now – I’m giving the official blessing) remember to dress in layers especially if you’re visiting the northeast. Specifically, start with a bathing suit, followed by long johns, jeans, t-shirt, sweater, sweatshirt, and finally a hat and snow-suit. Then you’re ready for anything!
posted by James C. at 12:50 PM
3 Comments:
Poop...I love lots of snow! Bring...it...on, to quote some politician...
Oh, I miss the snow. We get ice but nobody knows what to do with it so everybody stays home until it melts. Well, not everybody, but that's where I see 'survival of the fittest' has its place.
Peace,
Cindy.
James, write more! You are so talented and amusing...I need to hear what's bubbling out of your cranium at this time!
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